


if i ever get lost

by mayuaka



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 17:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayuaka/pseuds/mayuaka
Summary: mark's the last one to leave the recording studio.





	if i ever get lost

it’s kind of sweet, he thinks. it’s all fuzzy around the edges, like the memories are fading ever so slightly, and he wants to hang on to the in between parts. it’s in the recording, yeah, but it’s not what he’s looking for.

sure, he’s the last one here. and he knows that when the footage is uploaded he won’t watch this part.

it’s there forever, but it’s not for him. 

the emotions running through him are real, right? they’re all real. so why does the situation seem orchestrated? didn’t he know this was going to happen?

it’s a lot, a lot and he wants the past, not the future. not the moving on thoughts and the they’ll be okay without me thoughts and the same hope that maybe nothing will change at all.

when he goes back he’s expecting to just crash on the bed and maybe stare at the ceiling for hours until he falls asleep out of pure exhaustion, maybe cry with the tears soaking the pillow, maybe curl up into the blankets and try to think of anything else, but it all falls apart because donghyuck’s curled up on top of mark’s sheets wearing one of mark’s hoodies that are slightly too big on him and his quiet breathing, in and out, fills the room. he wants to sleep, still, but he doesn’t want to wake donghyuck. it feels weird, maybe on any other day he might have just thrown himself down next to him without a second thought, but it feels wrong tonight. 

he looks so peaceful, the strands of his light brown hair, tinged with pink and green, splayed across the pillow. his phone is still in his hand, so mark gently takes it from him, sliding it out of his fingers, placing it on the bedside table. when he looks back, donghyuck blinks at him, and mark stutters out a “sorry, i didn’t mean to wake you.”

donghyuck smiles. it’s the sort of slightly-off smile that only goes to mark. like he’s teasing but not really. “i was waiting for you, but i fell asleep.”

“oh.”   


it’s only nine words but it makes the tears burn behind his eyelids, and he has to blink really fast to keep them from spilling.

donghyuck shifts, sitting up on the bed, and pats the spot next to him. “come here.”

mark sits. his hands are shaking a bit.

“hey,” donghyuck says, and he wraps an arm around mark’s shoulders and pulls him close. he’s warm and mark instinctively leans closer. “how was recording?”

mark thinks about  _ but i don’t want this to sound like we’re about to depart _ and bites the inside of his cheek. “it was good.”

“maybe i should have stayed with you,” donghyuck mumbles into the sleeve of mark’s shirt. he pulls his arm away to intertwine their fingers.

“no, it was fine. kinda like, like what’s going to happen eventually. should get used to it.” he thinks that, if donghyuck had stayed, he might have really cried a little, and he didn’t need that on camera.

donghyuck lets out a soft laugh. (mark thinks it’s adorable.) “i’ll still be with you, remember?”

“oh–oh yeah,” he says sheepishly. yeah, they still had a unit together. there’s a small feeling of relief. just a little, and then it slips away when he thinks about hyuck (and jaemin and jeno and renjun and chenle and jisung) promoting without him.

“you don’t have to think about that right now,” donghyuck says, breaking mark out of his thoughts like he could hear them. “we’ve just barely started working on everything. don’t worry.” hyuck has moved to laying in his lap, now, and in that position it feels like mark’s the one that’s supposed to be comforting him, but instead the other’s staring up at him with an expectant look on his face.

“you’re right,” mark says, after a long, long silence. “you’re right.”

“i’m always right,” donghyuck points out with his usual grace, and he can’t help but smile at it.

“okay, sure. are you going to get out of my bed now?”

“no, it’s warm.” he moves out of mark’s lap and maneuvers himself under the blanket, and mark sighs and gets up so he can situate himself under it as well.

silence settles around them, and eventually the sounds of donghyuck’s even breathing resurface again, but mark can’t seem to relax. the thoughts are still running too fast through his mind. it’s not a big deal, he thinks. he shouldn’t be so worked up about it. he’s not leaving anyone forever. it just means less time with them. nothing’s stopping them from being together, talking together, anything. maybe he won’t even really notice a thing. (at least not until a new song–and he stops his train of thought right there before it spirals out of control.)

he tries to focus on donghyuck’s steady inhales and exhales. closes his eyes and tries to just  _ relax. _ inhale, one, two, three; exhale, one, two, three; and then he hears donghyuck’s  _ hey shawty _ in his mind perfectly and grins to himself. 

so things would be okay, yeah. even if it seemed like they weren’t going to be. there were still months of things to work on and photos to take and dances to practice and performances to do and– _ hope we always feel like / i’ll be your home. _

he finally falls asleep, content feelings on his mind, donghyuck’s breathing in his ears, blanket under his fingers, quiet tears streaking his cheeks.

and in the morning he wakes up to donghyuck wiping his cheeks with a damp towel, who smiles when he sees mark awake. normally he’d push him off and deny things. but today he lets hyuck trace the contours of his face with slow, gentle motions, and they stare at each other for a long time.

there’s no words, but if there were it would have gone like this:  _ good morning, mark hyung! / what are you doing? / ah, i thought i told you not to think about it too much, look, there are stains on the pillow. / my eyes were just watering, okay? / how long did you stay awake, shouldn’t they have dried up completely by now? you’re such a mess. / look, i said– / i know, i know, just go wash your face yourself, hyung  _ and then mark would push him off and head to the bathroom.

by the time he finishes enacting donghyuck’s voice perfectly in his mind, the other has already sat up and gone to put the towel back. he hears the sound of water running in the sink. he can still feel the soft, cool surface of the cloth, the gentle pressure of the hand behind it, running along his cheeks and his forehead and his chin, and he almost feels like falling asleep again.

he props himself up with his hands, stretches and sits up properly, reaches for his phone and hits the power button, but he’s grabbed donghyuck’s instead. it’s 8:25 am and the lockscreen is a photo of him. it’s a bad quality, zoomed in screenshot of something where he looks funny, and he quickly turns it off, putting it back. he feels like he intruded on something, but he also feels kind of touched. he doesn’t really know what he’s  _ supposed _ to be feeling. 

donghyuck walks back into the room. “are you gonna get up or are you just gonna stare into space for another hour?”

mark blinks slowly. “it hasn’t been an hour.”

laughter. (cute.) “get up, hyung. it feels like i’m the older one taking care of you all of a sudden.”

“i’m getting up.” he stands, pushing himself off the edge of the mattress. he kind of stumbles a tiny bit.

donghyuck graciously decides to ignore it. “go shower,” he says, placing his hands on mark’s back and pushing him gently towards the bathroom. “go wake yourself up, and then you won’t think about it anymore, yeah?”

mark does as he says. the cool water helps clear his brain. everything’s going to be fine.


End file.
